I read it through, and predictably gagged. And mean girl that I am, I couldn't resist rifling through the garbage can of my imagination and picturing what his first draft might have said before his PR flacks cleaned it up for the bland vanilla palates of the voting public. So here, reading between the lines, is the original Barack email:
Today, we are filing papers to launch our 2012 campaign.
We're doing this now because the politics we believe in does not start with expensive TV ads or extravaganzas,
just forget about that multi- million dollar fundraiser I had last week that barred the press and public but with you – with chumps people organizing block-by-block, talking to neighbors, co-workers, and friends. And that kind of campaign takes chutzpah and an idea-bank chock full of bullshit time to build.
So even though I'm focused on the job you elected me to do,
which entails serving my oligarch lords and masters and the race may not reach full speed for a year or more, even though I have never really stopped campaigning and wasting billions of gallons of jet fuel campaigning on the government dime the work of laying the foundation for our campaign must start arbitrarily, a date we just picked out of mid-air today.
We've always known that lasting change wouldn't come quickly or easily. It never does.
And I never really intended it to, at all. But as my administration and folks across the country fight to protect the progress we've made -- and make more spin and empty promises – we need free labor and unpaid interns to begin mobilizing for 2012, long before the time comes for me to begin campaigning in earnest. What I have been doing up to now has been insincere campaigning. The earnest campaigning involves me trying to pretend I love my Democratic base, and it’s hard. Change will not come easy.
As we take this step, I'd like to share a video that features some folks like you who are helping to lead the way on this journey. Please take a moment to watch:
( Ed. note. I am not embedding the video. It is widely available everywhere. It is inescapable. It will make your computer melt And I am not a "folk", dammit! )
In the coming days, supporters like you will begin forging a new organization that we'll build together in cities and towns across the country.
It is an organization of the imagination, in your own minds. It will have nothing to do with me. And I'll need you to send me your hard-earned dollars and work for free to help shape our plan as we create a campaign that's farther reaching, more focused, and more innovative than anything we've built before. It is time to rebuild the Obama is Jesus meme of the 21st century, to reinvent the Obama Personality Cult to draw in as many unthinking Obamabots as I possibly can.
We'll start by doing something unprecedented: coordinating millions of one-on-one conversations between supporters across every single state,
with scripts that we provide and you will stick unquestioningly to, reconnecting old friends, inspiring new naive ones to join the cause, and readying ourselves for next year's fight. I still have that valuable email list from 2008.
This will be my final campaign, at least as a candidate.
Of course, I am counting on all of you to demand a third term and just do away with any more campaigns. Just make me king. But the cause of making a lasting difference for our families, our communities, and our country has never been about one person. I can’t be number one free world leader without legions of fans. And I it will succeed only if we work together.
There will be much more to come as the race unfolds. Today, simply let us know you're in to help us begin, and then spread the word:
like good little culties.