"The pig-man! I saw a pig-man! He was just lying there and then he woke up. He looked up at me and made this horrible sound, eeeeaaaahhh, eeeeaaaahhh." -- Kramer.
" I wish there were pigmen. You get a few of these pigmen walking around and suddenly I'm looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to fix me up at least they could say, 'Hey at least he's no pig-man!'" -- George Costanza.
Well, George, you are in luck. We are flush with pig-men these days. Let's start with just two examples who will make even George Costanza and Seinfeld look like sensitive, post-feminist kinds of guys.
We'll get the newest one out of the way first. In what has got to be the oxymoron of the century, Socialist Banker Monsieur Dominique Strauss-Kahn of the International Monetary Fund was busted for allegedly attacking a chambermaid in a posh $3000 dollar a night hotel. NYC cops actually dragged him off his cushy Air France first class seat and hauled him in. Of course, there is always the possibility that he was set up, Eliot Spitzer-style, but the fact that Milord fled the scene without even taking his cell phone does not bode well. Of course, the story is plastered all over the front page of The New York Times, which usually doesn't do tawdry unless it's elite tawdry. Remember the Brooke Astor elder abuse case? When the rich and famous commit crimes, or are victims of them, that gets the front page treatment. But the dozen prostitute corpses dumped on Long Island? Not so much.
What was pretty hilarious is that the Dominique story came out at the exact same time as Maureen Dowd's column on corsets, cleavage and fishnets. She chronicled the new TV season, which is heavy on retro sexist treatment of women. Sad to say, it seems we are looking backwards. Women are again fair game.
And then there is our own homegrown pig-man, John Ensign of Nevada, who finally quit the Senate when even the Senate couldn't cover for him any more. The Department of Justice has known for over a year now what he was up to, but didn't prosecute him. I suppose that it's all part of Barack Obama's Grand Plan of Always Looking Ahead and Winning the Future.... never looking back, or in this case, even sideways. As an added bonus, there is now a third pig-man in the mix -- Senator Tom Coburn of the C Street Coven or Cabal or whatever right-wing front group lives and operates in that rent and tax-free den of religious iniquity. Coburn was the alleged go-between in the payoff to Ensign's mistress (victim?) and her husband. Since Tom Coburn is the pig-man who held up the National Women's Museum and many other bills out of pure spite last year, I would love to see his rump in a grinder. It would absolutely distract me from all the other distractions.
Here is the full report in case it's raining where you live and you have an hour to spare. It is sleazy and quite dramatic, even containing an intro with the cast of characters. It seems it was much, much worse than your ordinary affair. The woman apparently was coerced into it by Ensign. My only question is what took so long for accountability to come into play.