Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Don't Like Corporatized News? Get Wasted!

With any luck, the million or so denizens of the Spy State who enjoy top secret security clearance will take full advantage of this special offer from the Washington Post:



Anything to loosen up the spooks and make them spill as they swill. After all, according to the email come-on that just landed in my In-Box, Washington Post connoisseurs have vacuumed up elite wines from all over the world in order to placate the palate, numb the senses, and loosen the tongue:
The experts at The Washington Post Wine Club swirl, sip and sniff thousands of wines from around the globe to curate special collections for Wine Club members. In addition to delivering incredible national and international wines, they are also excited to introduce the best from bourgeoning Washington-area wine regions for a one-of-a-kind Wine Club experience.
Oh golly. And here I thought the Washington area was a burgeoning whine region composed of millionaires grousing about how their security has been compromised by upstarts who don't know their place in Secret Society.

 I believe I'll wait for the New York Times to send me a special offer on their Marijuana of the Month Club. We can inhale elite pot at the same time we inhale their pricy propaganda. Thomas Friedman will be much easier to take if accompanied by a Maui Wauwie brownie. David Brooks, the human Skunk Weed, will go down smooth as silk with frequent tokes of Purple Haze. And you definitely want to light up some God's Bud as you partake of Ross Douthat. Maureen Dowd is just the ticket for Strawberry Queen (or, for when she Chronically offends the Obamabots, Urban Poison.)

If it's only a cheap glue-sniffing effect you're after, just log on to Politico. There's no pay-wall, so the inside-the-Beltway toxicity is totally free and gratuitous.

Cheers!

4 comments:

Zee said...

I hate to admit this to the WaPost and Sardonicky participants, but I'm really just a "box wine" kind of guy despite being educated at UC Davis, possibly the birthplace of American "Viticulture and Enology."

My "Special Collection" consists of "Pomeroy's Plonk" and "Chateau Thames Embankment," all carefully "bottled" in cardboard and plastic, of course.

Zee said...

Gotta love this, too:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-06-19/background-checks-faked-with-lax-oversight-watchdog-says.html

Investigators charged with conducting background checks of U.S. national-security workers have falsified records and aren’t receiving adequate oversight, according to an inspector general’s testimony.

One worker fabricated 1,600 credit checks before it was discovered her own background investigation had been falsified, Patrick McFarland, inspector general of the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, said in prepared testimony obtained by Bloomberg in advance of a Senate hearing tomorrow.

"While 18 investigators, including contract and government employees, have been convicted of falsifying reports since 2006, McFarland said the inspector general’s office lacks the resources to clear a backlog of an additional 36 cases."

Who you gonna turn to?

Denis Neville said...

“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” ― Abraham Lincoln

The elites may have The Washington Post Wine Club,

But, “The mouth of a perfectly contented man is filled with beer.” – Egyptian proverb, c. 2200 BCE

And from Kansas, centuries later, “…because, without beer, things do not seem to go as well…” – Diary of Brother Epp, Capuchin Monastery, Munjor, Kansas 1902

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.” – Frank Zappa

“Oh, this beer here is cold, cold and hop-bitter, no point coming up for air, gulp, till it's all--hahhhh.” ― Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow

Jay - Ottawa said...

@Denis

You never run out of juice – or is it the madeleine cookies? Just how big is your card file, your computer, your hippocampus?

Or have you found a way – naughty, naughty – to tap into NSA’s vacuum cleaner, sucking up quotes from sources near and far, then filtering them through a finely-tuned algorithm of your own making to serve us the good beer you never run out of?

How about a little more transparency?