The Shrillionaire Mayor

You'd think that a guy so filthy rich that he changed the law on term limits and bought himself a third stint as mayor would feel a little more secure and sanguine over a protest movement. This is, after all, the man whom Forbes magazine has just ranked as the most powerful person in New York, surpassing Rupert Murdoch for the first time in the plutocratic heft department. But Michael Bloomberg appears to be finally losing it, big-time, over a street protest in the backyard of his fiefdom. 


His latest whine on a long list of whines: OccupyWallSt protesters are just awful people for not having called the cops about a vagrant groper who may have been dumped in Zuccotti Park by the cops themselves in their ongoing and hapless efforts to break up the camp.  Fumed Bloomberg: "Instead of calling the police, they form a circle around the perpetrator, chastise him or her and chase him or her out into the rest of the city - to do who knows what to who knows whom."


He then went on to plagiarize Daffy Duck."It's despicable! I think it is outrageous and it really allows the criminal to strike again making all of us less safe."


Bloomberg's comments came the same day that he said Occupy should blame Congress for "forcing" the poor banks to give out liar loans to greedy unqualified homebuyers.  According to Hizzoner, Wall Street had nothing to do with the economic meltdown.  They never bundled subprime mortgages into toxic investment packages and single-handedly made trillions of dollars of household wealth disappear overnight. Nah. that must have been Reagan welfare queens who had the nerve to take out mortgages they couldn't afford.


Bloomberg has always been carefully PC about Occupy's right to exist (calling it "cathartic and entertaining" for the participants). But, but, but: “My personal view is, why don’t you get out there and try to do something about the things that you don’t like, create the jobs that we are lacking, rather than just yell and scream," he uttered from both sides of his perfectly centered mouth.


According to Bloomberg, residents in the area have complained about quality of life issues. Only trouble is, there are only a few dozen residents in the immediate vicinity, which is a business district. Restaurateurs, he said, complained business was suffering because of the encampment. Then it turned out business is suffering because of the heavy police presence and their metal barricades preventing access to the establishments.  The barricades have been moved and removed any number of times in a continuous game of musical chairs.


Bloomberg's X-ray vision can apparently see rivers of urine running in the streets, and his patrician nose can smell the stench of feces from blocks miles away in his Gracie Mansion digs*. His olfaction is as sensitive as the Princess and the Pea's tush. The very thought of non-rich people getting attention in his back yard is obviously causing a major attack of oligarchic angst and a shattering blow to his sense of entitlement.


Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi has called Bloomberg's reaction to the Occupy phenomenon his "Marie Antoinette" moment. Read his latest blog post for a scathing takedown of Hizzoner. Here's a snippet recounting a typical celebrity centrist soiree that had the "No Labels" crowd liberally laughing:

And it wasn’t hard to see why. Bloomberg’s great triumph as a politician has been the way he’s been able to win over exactly the sort of crowd that was gathering at the HuffPost event that night. He is a billionaire Wall Street creature with an extreme deregulatory bent who has quietly advanced some nastily regressive police policies (most notably the notorious "stop-and-frisk" practice) but has won over upper-middle-class liberals with his stances on choice and gay marriage and other social issues.

But back to that predatory vagrant that Bloomberg insists is endangering him. According to The Daily News, the 26-year-old victim of that incident is walking around carrying a sign that says: "I was more victimized by the NYPD who handled my sexual assault case than I was by the assaulter."


Lauren di Gioia told the newspaper that police kept her waiting for hours after she reported the attack, even telling her she was to blame for sleeping outside.  The same old "you asked for it" crap that prevents a lot of sexual assault victims from ever coming forward."I'm a perfect example of somebody who went through the process. I followed all the steps of the law, and I felt victimized by it. I felt like I was a criminal, too," the paper quotes her as saying.


Correction: in my last blog post, I listed Bloomberg's net worth at $18.1 billion.  I was off a bit. According to the New York Times, he is actually worth $19.5 billion, making him the 12th richest person in America out of a nation of more than 300 million.  He is in the top one percent of the top one percent, or the top .000000001 percent. 


And he doesn't think a millionaire surtax to help save the jobs of teachers or prevent the closings of fire stations is such a fiscally prudent idea.






The Bloomberg Motto: Not One Porta-a-Potty Shall Go to Zuccotti. Let Them Wear Depends.

Update:  I just got my invitation from the White House's favorite Democratic think tank, The Center for American Progress, to listen to Bloomberg give the freaking keynote address on how to reduce the deficit at its "American Action Forum" next week.


This ought to be good.  The gazillionaire who just blamed Congress for the biggest banking fraud in American history will now proceed to advise Congress how to make amends and slash Medicare, Medicare and Social Security.

As the work of the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction, also known as the super committee, comes to a head, the prospect for an agreement remains uncertain. On Tuesday, November 8 in an event co-hosted by the Center for American Progress and the American Action Forum, New York City Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg will present his views on how Congress should address the pressing issues facing the committee, the economic implications that are at stake, and his ideas on how a pragmatic, growth-oriented consensus can be forged.

For any Occupiers in the D.C. area who would like to attend this event, here is the lowdown. (Don't forget to RSVP and get there early for your free coffee):

November 8, 2011, 10:00am – 11:00am

Space is extremely limited. RSVP required.
Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis and not guaranteed.

Coffee will be served at 9:30 a.m.

Center for American Progress1333 H St. NW, 10th Floor
Washington, DC 20005Map & Directions

Nearest Metro: Blue/Orange Line to McPherson Square or Red Line to Metro Center.

For more information, call 202-682-1611.

* Correction: Bloomberg has never lived in the official mayoral residence. He has, however, graced Gracie Mansion with his presence on occasion. For example, when he performed some of the first same sex marriages in the state. Thanks, Purple Girl, for providing his correct address (see comments).

Zuccotti Park Asylum

It's no secret that much of the nation's homeless population is made up of the untreated mentally ill. Since a wave of "deinstitutionalization" in the 60s closed down state-run psychiatric hospitals, the sight of bag ladies and tramps sleeping under bridges has become a common one in most urban areas.


The epidemic of foreclosures and unemployment during the past few years has added members of the middle class to the homeless population.  Homelessness among returning veterans who suffer from PTSD and alcoholism and drug addiction and other war-induced illnesses has skyrocketed too.


So is it any wonder that Zuccotti Park and other "Occupy" sites have become magnets for homeless people looking for a little food, warmth and companionship? 


The New York Daily News , which has been right on top of the day-to-day coverage of all things Zuccotti Park, ran a piece by Harry Siegel yesterday claiming that NYPD has been "dumping" skid row denizens into the park. Protesters suspect that Mayor One Percent, Michael Bloomberg, is behind an orchestrated campaign to disrupt the encampment by filling it with the dregs of humanity.  However, as with every other ploy that he and his minions have used to try to destroy Occupy, Bloomberg's alleged move is having an unanticipated effect.  Far from causing fear and loathing among the "normal" occupiers, the disturbed arrivistes are getting some help and tough love from the park's own security detail.


By all accounts, the park "police" have a lot more heart than the city in dealing with the troubled souls. There are social workers in the park population who know just what to do and who to call. And if the new arrivals cause enough trouble, they're being kicked out under a newly enacted "Code of Conduct."  From today's News:

“If you want to be part of our group, you have to be civilized,” said Paul Isaac, 45, who is part of Occupy Wall Street’s security team. “Unfortunately, some people come to disrupt the peace.”

The list includes rules against stealing, sexual harassment and hurting others - including their feelings. The group also put a ban on fuel, weapons or drugs in the park..

“Basically, we want people to respect one another,” Isaac said.

The alleged dumping of the destitute and the addition of the homeless to the Occupy sites has finally forced the previously invisible reality of extreme poverty into the national spotlight.  Poor people never had a lobby or a voice before, and now they do.  "Nickel and Dimed" author Barbara Ehrenreich writes: 

What occupiers from all walks of life are discovering, at least every time they contemplate taking a leak, is that to be homeless in America is to live like a fugitive. The destitute are our own native-born “illegals,” facing prohibitions on the most basic activities of survival. They are not supposed to soil public space with their urine, their feces, or their exhausted bodies. Nor are they supposed to spoil the landscape with their unusual wardrobe choices or body odors. They are, in fact, supposed to die, and preferably to do so without leaving a corpse for the dwindling public sector to transport, process, and burn.

Homeless people never had neighbors with cell phones to record police brutality as they were rousted from their tent cities, and now they do.  They never had a reporter walk up to them and ask them about their lives, and now they have a chance to tell their own stories.  For every abusive or obnoxious derelict, there are ten more who are living lives of quiet desperation as the cold winter closes in. People in this movement are watching out for one another at the same time they're being mad as hell at the banksters and the thieves. 

And you can take the NYPD's non-denial denial about the dumping allegations with a grain of salt too. Police, hospitals and prisons all over the country have been caught in the act on numerous occasions literally discarding the humanity who just don't fit into "normal society." The most egregious case ever caught on film was that of a confused woman, still in hospital gown, being abandoned on a Los Angeles city street by an ambulance.  LAPD said it was common practice for outside law enforcement agencies to act as taxi cabs to bring derelicts from outside the city limits for dumping on skid row.

The jackbooted storm troopers of the NYPD, the pepper spray, the orange kettling mesh, the mass arrests have only served to solidify public support of the protesters. So the latest ploy of exporting addicts and drunks to the camp sites may simply be the next phase of the Oligarchy's attempt to destroy the movement. This, from Allison Kilkenny of "In These Times":

This action forces OWS to focus its energy internally rather than externally. Now, the group is busy managing its own people, worrying about drug deals and dangerous behavior from possibly foreign enemy forces. This was focus that had previously been aimed outward and upward - targeting what OWS calls the "one percenters."

Like when a magician uses a distraction technique to draw the audience's attention away from a sleight of hand, the NYPD and Bloomberg's administration may be using addicts to distract from what they're actually doing, which is attacking OWS on multiple levels, and ingeniously, making it look like they're not attacking the group at all.

 One of the precursors to Occupy Wall Street was a campout protest over the summer called "Bloombergville."  Demonstrators had planned to "occupy" the front of the mayor's residence one night, but then called off their plans as a token of respect when Hizzoner's elderly mother passed away. NYPD later arrested the group for blocking a different sidewalk and they disbanded. Temporarily, as it turned out.

Bloomberg may be one of the richest of the overbearing overlords of the universe, but that doesn't mean he has any class. He can't hold a candle to the humanistic souls he professes to despise, and so obviously fears.



"And no matter who you are, if you believe in yourself and in your dream, America will always be the place for you." -- Michael Bloomberg, net worth: $18.1 billion.



Trick-or-Treating the Zombies of the Military Industrial Complex

Paul Krugman's column today is a treatise on the "Weaponized Keynesians" -- those Republican ideologues who insist that government should not be in the business of creating jobs -- unless, of course, it's the jobs created through military spending.

These fiscal conservatives love to call tax hikes on the rich and any cuts to defense spending  "Job Killers".  But as Krugman quotes Barney Frank as saying, pumping money into Defense miraculously creates a whole slew of jobs. Stimulus is so stimulating when it involves death and destruction!

So, how do we get our own pet liberal stimulus bills past the war-happy Austerians?  I think we have to start getting sneaky and creative. Just go along with the "War is So Bipartisan" theme.  Make speeches celebrating sadism, torture, death and destruction, and then call Congress and tell them to Pass This Bill Right Now!

 We could rename the endangered Head Start Program the "Douglas MacArthur Early Childhood Education Program for Future Old Soldiers Who Fade Away."  Medicaid payments to local community health centers being slashed? No problem! Introduce a bill funding Defense Against Disease centers. Millions of people will be freezing this winter due to the defunding of home heating assistance.  Put that money under appropriations for heat-seeking missiles. Mortgage relief and rental subsidies and clean, safe homeless shelters can go under Homeland Security. And when we nationalize all the too-big-to-exist banks, we can call them the "In God We Trust Companies" to make the right- wing fundamentalists go all rapturous.


Congress has a nine percent approval rating. They've been starved of oxygen under that suffocating dome. How hard can it be to get the better of them? The possibilities are endless. Let's entangle them in the spider web of their own deceit.

Snow Falling on Pumpkins

Call it the Nightmare Before Christmas, literally and figuratively. For the second time in as many months, our elitist Northeast has been pummeled by a freak storm.  Floods last month, pre-Halloween blizzard yesterday, along with the obligatory power outages. Thanks to those readers who expressed concern, and mea culpa for my lack of blogitude these past several days.  Laziness, coupled with an episode of climate change Armageddon that was amazingly unhyped, for a change.


 So what did I miss during my blackout? Well, Old Man Austerity is making a comeback along with Old Man Winter.  Apparently, the Grand Bargain is being rebargained in the Super-Committee Politburo. Apparently, these apparatchiks have not been paying attention to OccupyWallSt.  The Democrats are offering chained COLA in Social Security, again. The Republicans are refusing to even consider tax increases, again.  Stalemate!  Congressional approval rating plummets to nine percent! (I have a feeling the nine percent comprise members of Congress, their families, their bloated staffs, their lobbyist bribers, and members of the corporate media whose lives and livelihoods depend on nonstop access to Spin City).


The Washington Post is running an outrageous front-page story claiming Social Security is going broke. Of course, it isn't. The trust fund is flush with cash, even though it's been raided and the government doesn't want to put back what it "borrowed", and current revenues are less than in previous years because of the tax holiday and unemployment. Paul Krugman has the most cogent explanation.  It's short, and it won't make your head explode.


Meanwhile, according to "The Hill", the usual suspects are predicting a market crash unless the Super Committee does something. The Third Way, a neoliberal think tank with close ties to Senator-with-Close-Ties-to-Wall Street Chuck Schumer, is warning of a possible downgrade by Fitch and Moody's unless we cut, slash and burn to appease the investor class. This includes cuts to the Social Safety net. By cutting off Grandma's meds and doctor visits, we can have an infrastructure bank and build some bridges. It's the centrist American way.

My favorite line from The Hill article: "Supercommittee failure would undermine the credibility and political clout leaders need to sell their constituencies on continued deficit reduction, they argue."

(Read the whole article if you dare. It is absolutely guaranteed to make your head explode).

Sacrificing the Elderly Poor to Protect Tax Cheats

If you're a Social Security recipient on Medicaid, a bipartisan cabal plans to kick as many of you off the eligibility rolls as possible, just so corporations can get even richer. It's all part of yet another back-door deal in which the Obama Administration pretends to be hoodwinked by Congressional Republicans. In the latest act of Kabuki Theater, the GOP leaders have agreed to pass the most right-wing portion of the president's American Jobs Act: ending a requirement that the government withhold three percent of payments to federal contractors to ensure tax compliance. But but but -- only on condition that it becomes harder for poor people to qualify for Medicaid. Somebody's gotta pay to make the lives of the rich easier, and it ain't gonna be the rich. Besides, this change in eligibility was something Barry proposed way back when The Grand Bargain was the talk of the town.

It is unbelievable but true that in these times of social unrest and ever widening income disparity, the Democrats still buy into the conservative ideology that programs to further enrich the wealthy must always be paid for by our country's most vulnerable citizens.  And even more egregiously in this particular case, it's tax breaks for tax cheats!

From Talking Points Memo's Brian Beutler, here's how the latest proposed social safety net slashing will work: 

The government uses a measure known as Modified Adjusted Gross Income to determine Medicaid eligibility. Currently, though, it only incorporates the taxable portion of Social Security income in that calculation. Under this proposal, it would factor in all Social Security benefits. That means some seniors who currently qualify for Medicaid would no longer be eligible. Doing this would save about $14.6 billion over 10 years — more than the cost of repealing the 3 percent withholding compliance measure.
In sum: make it easier for big contractors to cheat on their taxes, and covering the cost by limiting Medicaid eligibility for sick old people.

This stinks of more corrupt collusion between the Democrats and Republicans, two barely distinguishable factions of the same oligarchic uniparty.  And to think we were under the illusion that the OccupyWallStreet movement would strike fear into their venal withered hearts. They actually have no hearts. The Washington Post has all the sordid details here.

Obama himself was schmoozing at one of his endless series of $35,000-a-plate fundraisers just across the bay from Oakland the other night as riot police attacked peaceful protesters, lobbing tear gas and shooting rubber bullets into their encampment.  Earlier yesterday, he joked with Jay Leno on the "Tonight" show before heading to yet another soiree at the home of Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith.

The usual Congressional Democrats, meanwhile, will make their usual aggrieved noises over the latest Obama betrayal. Nancy Pelosi will remain stonily silent in her passive-aggressive way, but the deal most likely will go through. These deals always do, not in small part because Obama is the Earner in Chief, holding the key to an expected billion dollar Democratic war chest. Those who don't fall in line run the risk of having their careers redistricted out of existence.



Obama Fiddles....



While Occupy Oakland Burns



** Update 10/27: The House voted to move forward with both bills last night, with just a few Democrats making a noise against the deal. New rules designed to keep the more affluent poor off Medicaid will not take effect until 2014, when all of us will be magically under the thrall of the private insurance companies, and Obamacare theoretically swings into full gear. So if you're currently receiving Social Security plus Medicaid, you're okay for a few more years. Of course, who knows what other goodies the super-secretive Super Committee has up its sleeve to balance the budget?

Secret Ceremony

If you missed the gala signing of the much-ballyhooed free trade bill Friday in the Rose Garden, it's because it didn't happen. Now, before you get all excited: the President didn't have an attack of conscience and veto it. He did his duty to his corporate masters and signed it with all due somber diligence, to their enthusiastic applause. However, there was a change of venue, which is what accused people ask for when they know das volk are kind of fed up, and Occupying Wall Street. His advisers probably told him: If you're going to flush away as many as a quarter million American jobs down the offshoring toilet, better to do it in the safety and comfort of the Oval Office.




Barry Take a Bow: CEOs Applaud Their Puppet in Semi-Darkness



Witnessing the deed was one lone Yellow Dog Dem, the nominal Labor Secretary, an AP photographer, and a handful of the richest and most powerful CEOs in the nation  -- who just happen to be among his closest advisers. 


There was no big official White House photo on the email propaganda sheet known as "West Wing Week", which usually glorifies bill signings, no matter how insignificant.  No MSNBC and CNN cameras. No Nancy Pelosi. No John Boehner. No phonily smiling American workers whose jobs are being sacrificed as photo-op props. No Bipartisan hugging and kissing. No gaffeably lovable Joe Biden open-micing: "This is so effing awesome!"


But it was so Bipartisan!  Congress broke the gridlock and passed something for a change! Well, that's the trouble.  It was a Republican bill, originally crafted under George W. Bush.  And the 250,000 jobs it is forecast to create by Business Roundtable and Chamber of Commerce boosters will not be American jobs. That's why it was delayed. The Democrats insisted on adding a little token assistance to middle-aged American textile workers who are expected to lose their jobs to 40-cent/hour North Korean wage slaves allowed to work in the DMZ.  Even so, 75% of all the Congressional Democrats balked at Barack and voted against the package. There's that little matter of trade unionists being murdered in Colombia by hired corporate thugs.  But the White House made sure to announce that Barack called Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos  after the signing and made him promise to call off the goons. He'll be on the honor system, apparently.

The FTA passage simply doesn't fit in with the president's new campaign rallying cry: "We Can't Wait!" which puts the entire blame for the unemployment crisis on the obstructionist Republicans. The FTA has been strangely absent from Obama's list of talking points in such blighted areas as North Carolina and Nevada. After all, while he railed against NAFTA during his first campaign, he has just succeeded in at least doubling the damage which "free trade" has already done with a few more strokes of some cheap souvenir pens.


About the only people cheering and grabbing for their grubby pens were the millionaire CEOs of the Business Roundtable (BRT) super-lobby, who stand to profit handsomely from the latest round of foreign profiteering and outsourcing. After some initial kvetching about not getting their mugs on TV Friday, they posted on their website the obligatory thank-you note to their White House and Congressional minions:

“Business Roundtable commends the President and Congress for bowing to our relentless pressure and campaign contributions working together to approve these pro-growth (for us), job- killing creating trade agreements and bipartisan TAA legislation,” said Jim McNerney, Chairman of Business Roundtable and Chairman, President and CEO of Cheating Defense Contractor The Boeing Company.  “It’s now time to build on this milestone and focus on the future.  With 95 percent of the world’s consumers living outside the United States,(and the number of consumers with money or jobs rapidly dwindling here at home) our manufacturers, service providers and farmers stand to benefit from a fair and accountable international trading system.  Pursuing additional international trade and investment initiatives will open new markets for businesses of all sizes, and fuel U.S. economic growth and job creation.  If we do not seize the opportunity to lead, others will, and the accompanying economic benefits will accrue to their nations rather than ours.”  (We want more after this. We will not rest until we own the entire universe).  

The fact that the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) found that Boeing broke the law this year in building its Dreamliner plant in anti-union, "right to work" South Carolina, did not bar McNerney from being invited to the ceremony as guest of honor by the President. Far from it: not only is McNerney chairman of Barry's Export Council, he also sits on the hilariously named Council on Jobs & Competiveness. (CoJoCo -- or how about CutJob/CuJo? These greedheads are one slavering pack of rabid attack dogs!) 




Big Bipartisan Bill-Signing Witnessed by Ten Whole People (All Richer than You)

Also on hand for the exclusive signing ceremony was Xerox CEO Ursula Burns, Export Council vice-chair and (you guessed it) another member of CuJo.  Burns cut 4,500 American jobs during the first six months of this year alone. But Xerox net income is up 28% from a year ago. Her annual salary is listed at $4.08 million by Forbes.


McNerney and Burns and their CuJo cohort are also big proponents of repatriating corporate profits in exchange for an empty promise of job creation (the mythical "creationism") and dismantling the Sarbanes-Oxley Act (which prevents publicly traded companies from defrauding investors). Obama is dutifully mulling over both those proposals as he pitches his latest gimmick of refinancing the mortgages of a few select homeowners who are actually still paying their mortgages on time. The banks, like Colombia, will be on the honor system to do the right thing by their customers.


Back to that ever-increasing executive compensation combined with ever-decreasing tax payments to Uncle Sam. According to the Institute for Policy Studies, the World Trade Organization has actually taken the drastic step of reprimanding Obama about the U.S. government's over-the-top coddling of the CuJo's.

Corporate tax dodging has gone so out of control that 25 major U.S. corporations last year paid their chief executives more than they paid Uncle Sam in federal income taxes. Corporate outlays for CEO compensation - despite the lingering Great Recession - are rising. Employment levels have barely rebounded from their recessionary lows. Top executive pay levels, by contrast, have rebounded nearly all the way back from their pre-recession levels.

For example: McNerney, with an annual salary topping $13 million, earns more than his entire company pays in U.S. taxes every year.

So with friends like multinational CEOs voraciously whispering in the president's ear, who needs Republican enemies?  "We Can't Wait" has suddenly replaced "Win the Future" as the new Obama slogan. Lots of W's, which is apt, seeing that this is Dubya's third term.  Personally, the only "W" I like is the one in OWS. At long last, there are tens of thousands of people protesting and saying "WTF!!!!" about being eaten alive by the Corporate States of America. 

When Corporate Greed Attacks!

Pack Up Your Troubles and Celebrate the Hegemony

President Obama is still trying to pretend that Iraq isn't kicking him in the tush on his way out. How serendipitous that he actually kept a campaign promise for a change, though! He vowed we'd get out of there, and so we are. But he desperately, desperately wanted to stay. As Marie Burns puts it on Reality Chex, he delivered one of those Friday news dumps in order to deflect probing questions from the sponges of the Washington press corps.


And instead of using his weekly radio address to sound the alarm about a growing humanitarian crisis here at home, he trumpets his bellicosity and crows about his security state creds. It really is kind of jarring, in light of the fact that thousands of his own desperate people are demonstrating in the streets.


Speaking of dumps, I haven't rooted around in the bottom of the White House dumpster for awhile in search of discarded versions of presidential speeches that accidentally speak the truth in their first drafts.  But after hearing more bullshit than usual from Dear Leader this morning, I could not resist. Here is the original transcript, with his redacted truthy notes in parentheses:

This week, we had two powerful reminders of how we’ve renewed American leadership in the world.  I was proud to announce that—as promised—the rest of our troops in Iraq will come home by the end of this year.  And in Libya, the death of Moammar Qadhafi showed that our role in protecting the Libyan people, and helping them break free from a tyrant, was the right thing to do.

(If I looked a little haggard and unlike my usual frosty self at my press con, it was because I had just spent the whole damn morning begging -- yes, I was reduced to begging -- President Al Maliki to let me keep just one teensy base there.  But no--o-o-o-o!  After all the years and all the billions we spent, and all the death and destruction in the name of freedom -- they were ungrateful and would not give us immunity in case Blackwater/Xe went on another one of its rampages.  I didn't get my way.  America is not unconditionally loved or feared.  The Iraqis can't forget Abu Ghraib.)

In Iraq, we’ve succeeded in our strategy to end the war.  Last year, I announced the end of our combat mission in Iraq.  We’ve already removed more than 100,000 troops, and Iraqi forces have taken full responsibility for the security of their own country.  Thanks to the extraordinary sacrifices of our men and women in uniform, the Iraqi people have the chance to forge their own future.  And now the rest of our troops will be home for the holidays.

(Failure is success. The troops are being evicted and we'll pretend it's gonna be a Holly Jolly Christmas. But not for long!  If we keep 'em home, the unemployment rate will skyrocket to 25 percent. Plus there's Afghanistan.... and Libya....and the rest of Africa under the pretext of fighting in Uganda for humanitarian reasons after 20 years of ignoring some sadistic sect.  However, some of the troops must remain in the Homeland to protect our own endangered species: The One Percent.)

In Libya, our brave pilots and crews helped prevent a massacre, save countless lives, and give the Libyan people the chance to prevail.  Without putting a single U.S. service member on the ground, we achieved our objectives.  Soon, our NATO mission will come to a successful end even as we continue to support the Libyan people, and people across the Arab world, who seek a democratic future.

(The brave grunts sitting in Nevada trailers who operated the Drone Missiles saved countless lives by killing countless collateral "targets" thousands of miles away. We will continue to support the Libyan people and other oil-rich peoples who seek a democratic future by extracting oil concessions for my billionaire campaign contributors.)

These successes are part of a larger story.  After a decade of war, we’re turning the page and moving forward, with strength and confidence.  The drawdown in Iraq allowed us to refocus on Afghanistan and achieve major victories against al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden.  As we remove the last of our troops from Iraq, we’re beginning to bring our troops home from Afghanistan. 

(We are turning the page and looking forward, not backward. There will be no prosecutions of the Bush War Crimes. We have squandered trillions of dollars on a bloated defense budget. We're temporarily bringing some troops home, but they are forever troops for our endless wars.  We have the confidence to believe that the American people will never find out exactly how we decide to kill people on foreign soil... even American citizens, even teenage sons of American citizens.  This is the larger story. Shelve it in the horror section. We will continue to obfuscate, prosecute whistleblowers and subpoena journalists, and spy on you).

To put this in perspective, when I took office, roughly 180,000 troops were deployed in these wars.  By the end of this year that number will be cut in half, and an increasing number of our troops will continue to come home.As we end these wars, we’re focusing on our greatest challenge as a nation—rebuilding our economy and renewing our strength at home.  Over the past decade, we spent a trillion dollars on war, borrowed heavily from overseas and invested too little in the greatest source of our national strength—our own people.  Now, the nation we need to build is our own. 

(Just not quite yet. First we have to ship 250,000 of your jobs to South Korea.
 But keep calling Congress and donate to my grassroots campaign and pretend that I'm not being financed by Wall Street and the Military Industrial Complex.)

We have to tackle this challenge with the same urgency and unity that our troops brought to their fight.  That’s why we have to do everything in our power to get our economy moving again.  That’s why I’m calling on Congress to pass the American Jobs Act, so we can rebuild our country – our schools, our roads, our bridges – and put our veterans, construction workers, teachers, cops and firefighters back to work.   And that’s why I hope all of us can draw strength from the example of our men and women in uniform.

(I just promised huge tax breaks to anti-union corporations like Walmart and McDonald's, and factory farm conglomerates like ConAgra and Tyson Foods if they will only hire my leftover psychologically and physically damaged returning vets at low wages. This corporate welfare check will further bloat the profits of the folks who hire undocumented immigrants, so it's a win-win for my battleground state contributors. Plus, I must try to appease the vets, a third of whom say the wars weren't worth it. Look at the men and women in uniform. I'm trying to make you civvies feel guilty, because you don't have it as bad as they do.  Celebrate my War Machine, Occupiers.  Ask not what your country can do for you if you're not willing to die for the MIC).

They’ve met their responsibilities to America.  Now it’s time to meet ours.  It’s time to come together and show the world why the United States of America remains the greatest source for freedom and opportunity that the world has ever known.

(Don't expect jobs, health care or change for the better any time soon. Slavery is freedom. Unemployment is opportunity. Despair is hope. Rejoice in the One Percent Nation.  Can you chip in $5 to my grassroots campaign?)

Update:  Glenn Greenwald is bemused by Obama's recent celebratory rhetoric.