Saturday, July 2, 2011

Schumer Shakedown: Pay Me to Talk Nasty to GOP

I took myself off my Wall Street lackey Senator Chuck Schumer's email list in disgust about a year ago, but that hasn't stopped him from bothering me via snail mail.  Yesterday, I got a letter from Chuck explaining that he can't call Republicans prevaricators and seditionists without my money.  If I send him 35 bucks I will receive my special DSCC (Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee) 2012 Firewall Tote Bag and a promise the wimpy Dems will finally get on message and call their friends across the aisle big fat liars. Apparently, collegiality goes out the window when seats are at stake. 

"Karen! It is not too early to protect our majority!" Schumer personally wrote me. "We are embarking on our most aggressive plan ever to expose the GOP's extreme agenda."

(In other words, the protection of their cushy seats trumps protection of the country itself.  That is probably a little too late. Way to unintentionally tell the truth, Chuck!  Chuck's net worth, by the way, is over $1 million. At least two thirds of the U.S. Senate are millionaires).

Like any good marketer, Schumer enclosed a freebie.  I got one of those small, oblong-shaped lined grocery list pads to induce me to pay him.  The slim tablet is comprised of 10 whole sheets of 18 lines each.  At least he is tacitly acknowledging that at least a few of his constitutents must subsist on decreased Social Security payments and/or food stamps and will not be needing to buy a lot of groceries!

My snarky son was over visiting yesterday, and after reading Stand With President Obama for Lasting Change. Silence GOP Lies emblazoned on the top of the gruel-thin pad, he wrote the following:

Block of wood.
Long sock.
Magic 8 Ball.
Broken Glass.
Long Whip.
Short Whip.
Old Cheese.

We'll be sending this scrap back to Chuck, or whichever unpaid DNC summer intern opens it, in the pre-paid envelope today.



Janet Camp said...

I have been offered--ready?--a CERTIFICATE OF MEMBERSHIP in the DNC if I send money! But alas, no note pads.

Do they really need money to get up and call out these liars? Don't they get a nice salary for assigning aides to write legislation proposals? Don't they get great health insurance? How about proposing some meaningful campaign finance reform? I realize these questions are all over the place, but the entire system of financing elections in this country is rotten to the core and quite removed from any notion of democracy and one just doesn't know where to begin to sort it out.

John in Lafayette said...

If only more people understood irony.

As usual, Karen, extremely astute; like much of your writing, it would be a lot funnier if it wasn't true.

Did you see that yesterday the White House quietly announced that nobody would be prosecuted for ordering torture? So much for exposing the GOP's extremist agenda. If we send Chuck his thirty-five bucks, do you think he'll open hearings?

Metro Journalist said...

My father, who died 17 years ago, recently received a letter from Mitt Romney asking him for support in the upcoming presidential race. At least it seems that Schumer is using voter registration lists that are fairly up-to-date.