Sunday, September 23, 2012

Kinky Campaigning

I think Paul Ryan got me mixed up with an escort service. He is really taking all the press puffery about his buff bod way too seriously. This is what he propositioned me with today:

Mitt and I will be touring the great state of Ohio on Tuesday and we are looking for some company.

Hubba hubba.

The only catch is, I have to let him know by midnight tonight whether I'll be available for the three-way. Do you think the wives know, or care? After all, Ann Romney is the one who petulantly suggested we should all get in the ring, because "this is hard." Should I notify the Obama Truth Squad? The president has pointedly gone out of his way to call Paulie a fine family man, and I would hate to disabuse him of this notion. Moreover, Ryan will still be a useful idiot in Congress once Mitt loses. Assuming, of course, that the progressive running against him (Rob Zerban) loses too. Ryan and his Blue Dog dem buddy Steny Hoyer are already making plans for a Grand Bargain of cuts to Medicare and Social Security. The president has signalled he can't wait till this Kabuki campaign season is over and he can get into some real serious makeout sessions with his frenemies across the aisle.

One more thing about the Ryan email solicitation. It includes two nights in a hotel at an undisclosed "Destination". Uh-oh... in the fine print it says if I am an illegal immigrant, they won't be touching me with a ten foot pole or any size pole. But as long as I have a Green Card, it's all good. How about a Green Party card?

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