Say Goodbye to #TurkeyPardonGate

Let the national healing begin: the Good Christian Bitch who dissed the Obama daughters for dressing and acting like teenagers is gone, resigned, fired in order to spend more time with God, with whom she evidently has a close personal relationship:

Elizabeth Lauten, the communications director for Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-Tenn.), resigned Monday following a Facebook post that criticized Malia and Sasha Obama's appearance at the annual White House turkey pardon ceremony, according to NBC News.

According to screenshots posted by Gawker on Saturday, Lauten wrote to the first daughters, asking them to "try showing a little class":

Dear Sasha and Malia, I get you’re both in those awful teen years, but you’re a part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Then again your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department. Nevertheless, stretch yourself. Rise to the occasion. Act like being in the White House matters to you. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don’t make faces during televised public events.

Lauten was evidently too stupid to celebrate the hilarious teenage face-making, given that the girls' obvious disdain for the presidential pomposity closely mirrors that of her very own cohort. I myself was cheering them on, and wishing that all of Obama's planted human backdrops were free to show such heartfelt disgust at his bromide-filled performance events.

It's just too bad that Lauten's turkey of a boss couldn't also follow her into ignominious oblivion. Stephen Fincher, who also happens to be the second largest corporate welfare recipient of farm subsidies in Congress, will unfortunately continue cackling his way through another term. He'll no doubt continue invoking Jesus as he spreads the gospel of starvation to the many,  many millions of children whose families depend on food stamps for their bare-bones survival in this endless, plutocrat-manufactured Great Recession.

You may remember Fincher as the hypocrite who led last year's crusade to kick two million kids off food stamps. Preening before the C-Span cameras, he righteously quoted from the Book of Thessalonians during an epic Biblical debate with his fellow critters: "The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat!" he thundered.

I wrote at the time that as a child, little Stevie probably identified more with the loathsome Farmer McGregor villain in The Tale of Peter Rabbit than with the adorable little hungry bunny. Assuming, that is, that his bedtime stories ever went beyond Old Testament fire and brimstone. Something must have made him the way he is. I imagine he picked Elizabeth Lauten as his assistant because she reminded him of Dear Old Mom.

Since it has now come to light that the newly departed Lauten actually did all the publicity for Fincher, you have to wonder if her duties included cherry-picking Bible passages for him to justify his cruelty. The message seems to have seared its way deep into her alleged soul, despite her close personal relationship with the Lord.

Anyway, as you also may remember, that congressional version of the Bible story ended with the usual bipartisan Amen, with a hefty dose of Social Darwinism thrown in for good measure. Democrats agreed to kick fewer kids off food stamps and reduce the monthly stipend, while sugar supports for all the political sugar daddies were left intact. And President Obama signed the whole thing, crowing that less food for all helps shrink the deficit. (too bad Malia and Sasha couldn't have been on hand to roll their eyes at that dollop of banality too.)