Saturday, May 7, 2016

This Just In From Hillary's Think Tank

Stop the presses! Straight to my in-box from the blog of the "progressive" Center for American Progress (founded by Clinton campaign manager and lobbyist John Podesta) were the top two click-bait teaser headlines to make your Mothers Day Weekend like, totally, rock the vote:
Hillary Clinton's faith is poised to play a big role as she turns to the general election.
And, how Secret deodorant miserably failed at explaining the wage gap.
You might think this was just another one of one of those unintentionally funny non sequiturs, but hold on a sec.

I think it signals that Donald Trump will be unable to make this cold saintly woman sweat as he lobs his barrage of sexist insults at her. It's the next chapter in the Prescribed Hillary Narrative: sucking up some anti-Trump votes from the horrified religious right, while simultaneously allowing her to outdo a deodorant brand in explaining gender wage disparities. She is doubly poised for triangulation and armpit hygiene. And she's making no secret about it. She is cool, calm, and collecting. She is confident, and so should you be.

"I'm With Her" (Ad for Poise Deodorant)

The Secret deodorant brand might have landed in the liberal refuse dump right along with her paid speeches, but Hillary Clinton is still perfectly willing to share a couple of her other personal care habits with all of you everyday ladies out there... on this very Hillary Mothers Day weekend:
"My two secrets to staying healthy: wash your hands all the time. And if you can't, use Purell or one of the hand sanitizers. And the other is hot peppers. I for some reason started doing that in 1992, and I swear by it!"
 two secrets to staying healthy: wash your hands all the time. And, if you can't, use Purell or one of the sanitizers. And the other is hot peppers. I eat a lot of hot peppers. I for some reason started doing that in 1992, and I swear by it. Hillary Clinton
Read more at:
My two secrets to staying healthy: wash your hands all the time. And, if you can't, use Purell or one of the sanitizers. And the other is hot peppers. I eat a lot of hot peppers. I for some reason started doing that in 1992, and I swe
Read more at:

Hillary might be wise to rethink at least one of her product recommendations. Overuse of hand sanitizer and constant hand-washing are not just symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, they can be a health hazard in and of themselves.

 With its high alcohol content, hand sanitizer is harmful if swallowed by the poised-for-success kids or grandkids poised to climb their ladders of opportunity. It can turn your hands into sandpaper-like husks. It speeds up the skin's absorption of the toxic BPA lurking on the surface of the plastic bottle. Anti-bacterial soap kills protective skin flora, which you need to repel fungi, viruses and harmful kinds of bacteria. It, and some hand sanitizers on the market, also contain triclosan, which can damage the endocrine system. In animal studies, this chemical additive has been shown to reduce muscle strength while amplifying testosterone levels. Given that Hillary and her minions love to tout her "muscular" foreign policy credentials, this could pose a real threat to her hawkishness down the road.

Hand sanitizer is not effective against the norovirus, which causes many "stomach flu" outbreaks.  And most importantly, the germophobia which seems to afflict Hillary (and too many other Americans) could theoretically harm those with whom she comes in physical contact. Overuse of antimicrobial products can lead to a generalized resistance to antibiotics.  And since Trump, too, is a hardcore hand sanitizer addict and germophobe, the next six months might be hazardous to our well-being in more ways than one. This campaign could well turn out to be a real MRSA-thon unless Donnie and Hill can get over their squeamishness.  The handshake part of the debates alone will be a real hurdle for them. So they'll probably stick to the usual elite politesse: air-kissing.

And as far as religion and pandering to evangelicals are concerned, Hillary should dump this whole church lady routine and put more of her faith in actual science. After all, she's a Democrat, not a Republican.

Oh, wait....


Pearl said...

If we're lucky maybe those hot peppers will do her in.

Nasreen Iqbal said...

Does this mean she's going to get her Southern accent back?

Jay–Ottawa said...

Perfumes of high fragrance are so Louis XIV. We've come around to the view that no-smell smells in a can put out by big corps serve us best and provide industrial solutions for modern living. And yet the perfume or the zero scent is only a cover up. We need something more radical than the products mentioned by Karen. We must recognize that the root of the problem is people.

The problem with society is that it brings us together. And we see every day that overfriendly contact with others, sometimes taking us down to the low road of love, spells the death knell of individualism and the American Way.

Separation by class is one way to begin. Over in the mother country, look at how much healthier and happier the Earl of Downton's family is compared to the downstairs crowd. The butler, like our president, works around the clock to keep the classes apart but mutually supportive. Disparity is the new way to maintain class spirit.

Take note at how the European Union is devolving. Immigrants bring germs. Hence, ethnically aware leaders are putting an end to open borders, the risky fad of no borders giving way once again to the wisdom of customs agents guarding tight borders. We are forced to touch money every day. Big currencies like the euro are touched by so many people, whereas a local currency, like the franc or the pound, or especially the mark, are only touched by one's own people. This is healthy. Small is beautiful, and think local, buy local, as the odor-free and natty yuppies used to say.

War is, by far, the best way to wipe out bipedal fomites along with their ever-present contaminates. In times of peace, snipers and drones are excellent means of surgically removing the sources of our worst fears without getting too close physically.

As the most dependable cleansers, nuclear-tipped missiles work best of all, of course; and Hillary, of all the presidential candidates, appears the least reluctant to employ them to protect our American Way of Life. The man she looks up to, Obama, along with the Congress, have recently set aside one trillion dollars to update our entire nuclear arsenal over the next ten years. This is not another make work program in your congressional district. No doubt about it, nukes scrub clean.

More than half a century ago, JFK launched the program that put a man on the moon within a decade. In this new century, Americans can stay confident. BO, Hill and the Congress have just launched a ten-year plan to rid our world of undesirable life.

Kat said...

uh.. hand sanitizers are alcohol based. They are not toxic. They are useful if you have to wash your hands all the time. Triclosan is the stuff in antibacterial soaps. That is bad stuff.

Karen Garcia said...


Thanks for the clarification. I have revised my piece to reflect this.

Purell doesn't contain triclosan, but as you say anti bacterial soaps and some hand sanitizers still do. This additive which is banned in Europe. Theoretically, the proposed TTIP "trade deal" would allow American companies to sue over this in investor state tribunals.

The very frequent use of hand sanitizers is probably necessary for health care workers, who have to especially careful about transmitting disease from patient to patient. They don't kill norovirus, though, which is the cause of many stomach bugs.

Pearl said...

Subject: Clinton’s wonky policies of fine-grained complexity contrast with rivals’ grandiose ideas from The Washington Post


Kat said...

Not to get too picayune but even soap and water turns your hands to sandpaper-- or worse. I've had hands that were constantly sore in the winter- red, broken skin, itchy. And it seems many facilities still have not gotten the memo on triclosan. The hand sanitizers actually helped, giving me a break from the soap and water.

Pearl said...

“This is a great country, in no small part because it is the best country ever devised in which to be a public crank. Never has a nation so dedicated itself to the proposition that not only should people hold nutty ideas, but they should cultivate them, treasure them, shine them up, and put them right up there on the mantelpiece. This is still the best country ever in which to peddle complete public lunacy. In fact, it’s the only country to enshrine that right in its founding documents.”

― Charles P. Pierce, Idiot America: How Stupidity Became a Virtue in the Land of the Free

Excerpt from Socrates' excellent comment to Krugman's latest, The Making of an ignoramus.