The Unbearable Rightness of Bipartisan Being

I don't know what was worse about the latest inauguration: the shameless display of plutocratic preening among the honored attendees, or the corporate media's fawning coverage of same. I hesitated even to open the New York Times this morning for fear of all the sugary projectile vomitus hitting me in the eye.

The church-attending, the candle-lighting, the cemetery-visiting, the coy mask-slipping and the glad-handing among the wealthy and powerful leaders of our country looked, from my vantage point out here in the sticks anyway, like nothing less than one of those notorious Covid super-spreader events for which the Trumpies were so soundly and rightly castigated when they were in power. Michelle Obama was hugging everybody in sight, while Barack went right for his cohort's ears in order to whisper whatever sweet nothings these people whisper to one another when they reunite. And why not? They all probably completed their own vaccine regimens weeks ago.

I wasn't actually paying very close attention to the spectacle and Joe Biden's speech because I was on the phone with my son, who'd just tested positive for Covid-19 on the very same day that he got his first vaccination. He had finally been designated by New York Governor Andrew Cuomo as a deserving front-line worker/first responder. It's a relief that, for now anyway, he seems to have a mild case. And that's doubly good because although he contracted the virus in the line of duty, he has been allotted only seven days to quarantine and recover, and to use his own sick time to do so. 

So if I'm not offering my traditional analysis of the latest president's latest overpraised maudlin speech, it's because it's the least of my worries right now. I suspect it is also the least of the worries of 330 million of my fellow citizens, one in three of whom have been directly affected by the pandemic.

When I finally clicked on the New York Times this morning, it did indeed resemble a big puddle of sugary vomit floating in a giant gold-plated toilet bowl. All the celebrities were there in an interactive map, and so was their designer fashion. Michelle Obama wore a silk face mask, color-coordinated with her royal magenta coat and high boots. Bernie Sanders was decked out in such adorable mittens to go with his signature scowl and cheap face mask. It took two whole Times reporters to broadcast this particular bit of earth-shattering news to the truth-starved readership.

Democratic boss James Clyburn, meanwhile, went full Jesus Christ and bragged that unaccountable war criminal George W. Bush, flouting social distancing in this grand new era of bipartisan being, approached him right on the inaugural dais  and praised him for destroying the Sanders candidacy and for pushing the faltering Joe Biden down the throat of America.

“George Bush said to me today, he said, ‘You know, you’re the savior, because if you had not nominated Joe Biden, we would not be having this transfer of power today,” Mr. Clyburn told reporters on a call after the swearing-in ceremony on Wednesday. Mr. Clyburn’s endorsement of Mr. Biden in the Democratic primary in South Carolina in February was credited with rescuing a campaign that had faltered badly in Iowa and New Hampshire.

“He said to me that Joe Biden was the only one who could have defeated the incumbent president,” said Mr. Clyburn, who chatted with Mr. Bush on the inaugural platform before the ceremony and took a selfie with the former president.

All the plutocrats, who so humbly and bipartisanly took their rightful mighty place on the Capitol facade of their own warped brand of democracy, sure showed those terroristic rioting deplorables who so brazenly defaced the sanctity of the institution last week, didn't they? The usurpers were suitably vanquished as a "palpable sense of normalcy and relief" enveloped Washington, itself encased by miles upon miles of razor wire and occupied by 25,000 National Guard troops.

 As Lady Gaga trilled, our flag was still there. 

Welcome back to "Trump: the Prequel."