Debate & Switch, Part One

Calling a two-night casting call of 20 presidential hopefuls a "debate" was always a bit of a stretch. But Wednesday's audition, which pitted one lone leading Democratic candidate (Elizabeth Warren) against several stand-in candidates (and even a few talentless actors who appeared to have literally stumbled from street to stage by sheer accident) made it more obvious than ever what the true purpose of this corporate charade is.

And the purpose of Decision '20 is this: dilute the message and the messengers enough to make Bernie Sanders disappear, or at least fail to stand out as sharply as he did during the the 2016 campaign. Have a bunch of pale imitators jump on his bandwagon with enough clattering and stamping feet and enough voices braying in the same progressive key that his original message is muted and rendered ultimately harmless for the moneyed interests truly running this show.

NBC could barely keep its own moneyed interests contained on Opening Night, failing even to mute the microphones of two of its multimillionaire personalities-cum-debate moderators as they chattered inanely backstage, ruining one of  Elizabeth Warren's rare chances to answer a question. Cut to commercial, because somebody's got to pay for the spectacle by selling stuff the audience at home neither wants nor needs.

Since I no longer have cable TV, Wednesday night's livestreamed show was the first time I'd ever heard some of these alleged candidates speak. Beto O'Rourke was the winner in the category of failing to live up to all the hype I've been reading about him. Despite his best efforts to mimic the cadence and timbre of Barack Obama's speechifying, and his stilted forays into speaking Spanish just to show that he can speak Spanish, the only thing this guy was a candidate for was the vaudevillian cane around the neck to drag him off the stage in the middle of his vapid spiel.

And it's too bad that there was no curtain to erase the visages of the two dudes at either end of the stage.  I'm talking about New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, who crashed both the campaign and the debate stage in one of his many escapes from New York City, where he is widely despised for using his security detail for daily travel to a Brooklyn gym where he can tell homeless people to get lost while working out on his treadmill. He interrupted the other candidates as much as he interrupts his official work day back home.

 At the other end of the stage was some blowhard tycoon and ex-congress critter named John Delaney, who was given all the time he wanted to perform his peevish bald Mitt Romney routine, complaining about all the annoying people who are making his life so miserable.

This guy didn't need a hook around his neck. He needed a punch in his smirking prune face and a cut-off of his microphone. If he is allowed back for next month's Debate & Switch, it will be all the proof we need that this game is well and truly rigged. As if we needed any more proof.

Best performance by a supporting actor in the Platitudes category was, of course, New Jersey Senator Cory Booker (D-Private Equity and Big Pharma.) To hear him tell it, he still lives in the slums of Newark and has to fight against gangs every single day on his way to the Senate floor. I was only surprised that he didn't also recount that terrible time a few years ago when he took part in the Celebrity Food Stamp Challenge and discovered how shockingly hard it is to buy a tiny bottle of imported olive oil with the average weekly $30 SNAP stipend.

Not that there weren't any high points to Opening Night, mind you. Elizabeth Warren actually raised her hand in affirmation when moderator Chuck Todd asked the group if the private insurance industry should be left out entirely of Medicare for All. (So did de Blasio, but he is so desperately pandering in so many ways that he 'll do, say, or interrupt anything just to get another minute of fame.) Warren's hand-raising was important, though, because she had heretofore been rather skittish on her support for true single payer health care.

Tulsi Gabbard, despite moderator Chuck Todd's ham-handed attempt to dredge up allegations of homophobia and the corporate media's studious ignoring of her throughout the primary and in debate coverage itself, was the most "Googled" of all the candidates during the show. She fell flat, i.m.h.o., when she failed to raise her hand along with Warren and de Blasio when Todd pitched the Medicare for All question at the group.

We'll have to wait and see whether Gabbard and her anti-war message advance in the polls, and also whether Warren's current status as media darling du jour and the only thing standing between Wall Street and Bernie Sanders survives. I doubt it, and I also doubt that Warren will help them keep their contrived "Liz vs Bernie" narrative alive either. She didn't take their bait at the first Debate & Switch show, anyway.

Stayed tuned, and stay glued, and stay close to your drink of choice. It'll make you feel like you're more than just a spectator.