Saturday, November 16, 2013

The Smell of Desperate Emails in the Morning

I guess the MoveOn folks didn't get very far with their email appeal the other day. When even Gail Collins and Ana Marie Cox abandon their usual playful wingnut-bashing and compare The One to an abusive boyfriend with the lame apologies, the prez finds himself forced back in wooing mode in order to salvage what little credibility he still has left.

This missive in my spam folder is so pathetic that I feel guilty parsing it. Oh, screw it:

Karen --

I want to cut through the media doing its job for a change and afflicting my comfort noise and talk with you directly about where I'm we're headed in the fight for my political life change.

That's why I'm getting on the phone with OFA supporters this Monday, November 18th.

Will you join me? My people need to crunch my numbers and measure how many folks are still susceptible to my charm offensive.

I have just over three years left as president -- and there's a lot left on my doing you to-do list. Like passing the TPP without letting you see it, cutting Social Security and calling it shared sacrifice, continuing my war on whistleblowers and journalists, and collecting information on every man, woman and child in this country. 
That's why I want you to listen to me to talk with you. You're the ones putting in the time and effort to prop up an empty suit achieve real progress, and shilling fighting to make the neoliberal agenda Americans unknowingly voted for last fall a reality. And sleazy pol that I am, I have to pretend I'm on your side while doing the bidding of Wall Street and the multinationals and the military industrial complex.

I know we all care about my legacy what the 1% we can get done together these next few years, so let's talk about how to make (sh)it happen and then I'll have my people gauge my support and put out a press release on my new-found populism.

Make sure you join Monday's call:

Thanks -- I can't wait to catch you and all your phone calls in my net up.

Barack (when I need something, we're on a chummy first-name basis. When I am dictating something, I am The President to you bunch of assholes.)

P.S. -- It's been a while since I've been forced out of self-interest able to do something like this -- I hope you can join the call and be an unquestioning soldier in the Army of Barack.

So, whadda ya say, Sardonickists? Are you in?


Jay - Ottawa said...

“I have just over three years left as president -- and there's a lot left on my to-do list.”

Oh yeah.

Karen, let me add one more biggy to The One’s to-do list: his pending approval of the remaining stretch of Keystone XL pipeline between the Alberta tar sands and Texas refineries.

For the latest news on how well construction is going in Texas, check this story by one of Canada’s most independent regional papers.

Or, just maybe, The One is playing his special brand of deep chess –– way over our heads –– and angling to give the Lone Star State one more reason to secede.

Zee said...

Nope. I think I'll just let Barack--and the entire Democratic party--stew in their own juices.

And enjoy the sight.

Pearl said...

Obama's Obamacare: Diagnosis Incurable.

Valerie Long Tweedie said...

Oh, no! Obama still needs to ram the Trans Pacific Partnership through Congress and force corporate dictatorship onto the public.

And, Zee, how disappointing from all you have read here in these last two years and all your comments saying you are seeing through the corporate driven politics in this country that you are still thinking the Republican Party is better than the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party pretends to be for the working man and stabs him in the back but the Republican Party pretends to be for the small businessman and the decent, hardworking people of this nation and stabs them in the back.

Until we abandon our allegiance to BOTH corporate parties and do it LOUDLY, our democracy is doomed.

The only light in my day is that Bill Moyers (and his ever supportive wife, Judith) have agreed to give up on the notion that Bill's faithful/adoring audience (and to their great credit his financial supporters who foot the bill for his show) will ever allow him to retire. He'll be back!

Pearl said...

Jay: Thank you for your access to the article in The Hook about oil spill
and other environmental disasters. I recall reading such reports (usually on the l0th page of the newspaper) over the years and have signed numerous petitions along these lines from Canadian sources. I was glad to find the following paragraph in your article which sounds like Harper may be prevented from making any Keystone pipeline deals with the U.S. at the
moment. Now we have to
get rid of him to be sure.

"TransCanada has also proposed to build a tar sands pipeline to eastern
Canada, but is facing stiff opposition due to concerns about climate change,pipeline spills and the undue influence of pipeline companies on the dismantling of environmental science and regulations in the country.

Tara said...

I'll have to take a pass on this get together -- I have a date to fiddle while Rome burns. Oh, and I have to take my dog on a walk.

Jay - Ottawa said...


Yes, it's a long, long way from Alberta to the Eastern Maritimes with a pipeline. Unlike most states of the US, Canadian provinces are quite large and much more independent. Sometimes provincial stubbornness against going along is a pain, sometimes a blessing.

If I'm not mistaken, Prime Minister Harper (your dear friend and Alberta's gift to the nation) and the oil men are not even able––so far––to get an OK for a pipeline through one single province, British Columbia, to export the tar from Pacific ports. The political "no" from BC––so far––may be as formidable as the technical challenge of laying the pipeline across the Rockies.

Based on the construction record on the Texas link up to Keystone XL reported in "The Tyee," the welders (and numerous non-certified welders) hired so far are incompetent and can't build a pipeline without lots of leaks. Which makes Harper's about turn to Canada's eastern ports more and more understandable. But then he must secure permission from five or more provinces to reach the Atlantic.

It would be a dream come true for Canada––and the world––if Alberta tar stayed in the ground and never got a chance to be piped west or east. And, the US State Department willing, neither will it go south via Keystone XL to Texas. But you know, as well as I, which is the weakest link in that scenario.

Jay - Ottawa said...


That non-word in front of the @ is no subliminal message. I lost track of my cursor the first time I typed out the robot challenge. Sorry.

Zee said...


I think that you misunderstand me, at least in part. I have already promised myself—and the other Sardonickistas—that I will be voting third-party in 2014, and urging others to do the same:

Still, this will be a gesture of utter futility, nothing more than my best effort give a “one-finger salute” to both major parties, who are really only two sides of the same coin.

But yes, I am thoroughly enjoying the misery and panic that the Democratic party has created for itself with its arrogant, stupid passage of the Affordable Care Act.

Nancy Pelosi famously said “We have to pass the bill so you can find out what's in it.”

Well, it's now clear that even those who voted for the bill hadn't a clue what was in it, either. Like the rest of us, they're only just now “find[ing] out what's in [the bill],” and the vast majority of them seem not to like what they're finding therein, not even one little bit.

It's morbidly fun for me to listen to the Obamapologists torture both logic and common sense in order to explain how wonderful the bill really is: both party hacks like Pelosi and Debbie Wasserman-Schulz, and normally-thoughtful people like Dean Baker and Paul Krugman, all alike twisting slowly in the wind thanks to Obama's hubris and an overeagerness of the Democratic legislators to allow the insurance and pharmaceutical companies to write the bill.

Which brings me to Obama himself. I was—and remain—so angry with the man that polite words utterly fail me. So I'll only hit the highest of the many high points.

I was astounded in 2008 when the nation decided to elect a less-than-one-term U.S. Senator to the presidency, a man who had not a single significant accomplishment to his name at the time. The liberal fawning over the man nauseated me. His IQ, I was told was “off the charts,” yet I knew even then that during his years as a professor of constitutional law he published not a single scholarly paper on the topic. In fact, he has never published on the topic anywhere, at any time in his life.

And as the Republican party was fond of pointing out, he had never managed so much as a lemonade stand.

Still, the American people in general, and the Demcratic party in particular, gobbled up this bulls*** and voted the silver-tongued devil in, based on nothing more than “hope.”

Five years later, almost everybody—Democrat and Republican alike—is outraged with him in one way or another, yet many liberals still fall all over themselves to blame someone else for Obama's failures, or even to try to explain why they are really not failures at all.

This so-called “professor of constitutional law” has violated the constitution and the law in so many ways over the past five years that I am beyond being merely sickened, his latest violations being his arbitrary decisions as to which parts of the ACA he will enforce, while letting others slide for political convenience.

So yes, I really, really, REALLY want to see this man's administration—and the legislator-lackeys who enabled him—soundly repudiated in 2014.

I will offer up my token expression of contempt for both major parties by voting third-party in 2014—and encouraging others to do the same—but both you and I know that this will be a futile gesture. Still, one way or another, I really, REALLY want to see the Democrats soundly defeated, and if that means a Republican “victory” in 2014, well so be it.

That's just how badly I want to see Obama punished for his arrogance, stupidity and duplicity, before he leaves office, being willing to cut off my nose to spite my face.

I thinks that's just part of being human.