Not counting the zombie invasion of roaming Ebolaphobes, what are you most frightened about this Halloween?
If you're a One Percenter, chances are that the lower classes coming into your neighborhood to beg for goodies is high on your list of fears. One wealthy woman allegedly (or maybe actually -- because although this reads like satire, the super-rich are extremely talented at unwitting self-parody) sought advice about how to keep the riffraff away. From Slate:
I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets—mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?
—Halloween for the 99 PercentNeedless to say, "Prudence" told Rich Bitch to stuff her Snickers up her Ayn Rand knickers.
Meanwhile, we learn from the New York Times Motherlode blog that there are subtler ways for the rich to control the seasonal beggars daring to set foot in their neighborhoods. Simply judge the Trick or Treaters by their classiness and couture, and hand out the goodies accordingly:
Turned off by the people who came to their door last year, many of them adults or kids in street clothes, and few who said “trick or treat,” he (the author's Halloween decoration fanatic neighbor) decided to try something new: candy tiers. This year, they’ll reward those who play by Halloween’s basic rules — wear a costume, say “trick or treat” and be more or less a kid — by giving them pretty good candy. Those with amazing costumes will get better sweets. Those who don’t dress up at all or are of voting age or older will get a consolation prize: Dum Dums, which our neighbor considers the dregs of the candy pile.So a taciturn kid dressed as a hobo will choke on the cheap lollipops, huh? On the other hand, anyone named Biff wearing a Mitt Romney mask will be rewarded with adult-size PayDay bars. Too bad the Times blogger didn't reveal the location of her neighborhood. It is a prime target for decorative off-brand toilet paper.
(Incidentally, I always liked DumDums, especially the red and purple ones. Those disgustingly chewy caramel-peanut PayDays were the first to hit the garbage can.)
Meanwhile.... just not in time for Halloween: bringing a whole new meaning to the term Hot Zone: