Roll Me Over in the Clover!

So, are you miffed that you signed up for a chance to attend today's White House Easter Egg Roll and did not get picked? Attendance at this annual event is by the usual class-based, two-tiered selection process. You either received a personal invitation because you are a wealthy or famous VIP, or you waited breathlessly to find out if you were randomly selected in an Internet lottery. A lucky 30,000 common people (aged 13 or under, accompanied by a parent) were chosen, to be herded onto the lawn in five different groups of 6,000 for two hours of roiling, rolling, rollicking fun.

Begun under the administration of Rutherford B. Hayes (or, as Barack Obama mispronounced it in a recent speech, "Rooth-erford") this marks the Egg Roll's 175th anniversary. From the official WH handout: (parentheses mine)

This year’s theme, “Let’s Go, Let’s Play, Let’s Move!,” spotlights the Let's Move! campaign, focusing "on promoting health and wellness and encouraging children to lead healthy and active lives." The White House will livestream performances and events all day at whitehouse.gov/live. Follow the action on Twitter with @LetsMove and @ObamaFoodorama with the hashtag #EasterEggRoll. 

There will be celebrity (not amateurs of the underclass!)  entertainers and celebrity chefs giving cooking demonstrations in the Play With Your Food area, which surrounds the Kitchen Garden and features a mini-farmers market, and fooducation booths. (how irritating a made-up word is that?)  Sports stars (from only A-List teams) leading fitness activities in the Eggtivity Zone, singers will perform on the Rockin' Egg Roll Stage (Janelle Monae, Cody Simpson, Zendaya, China Ann McClain and the McClain Sisters), and A-list actors (not D List!) will read kids books on the Storytime Stage (Sarah Palin impersonator) Julianne Moore, (Idi Amin impersonator) Forest Whitaker, (Big Democratic donor ABC- Disney teeny bopper impersonator) Bella Thorne).

Oh, and it won't be official until Bo the Dog disguised as the Cadbury Bunny appears. Not to go off on a tangent or anything -- but have you ever pondered the monumental arrogance it took for Obama to name his dog after himself? More accurately, he took his initials (BO) and foisted them on the pooch. This would be like FDR naming Falla "Effer", or Clinton naming Socks the Cat "Beecee", or Bush the Younger calling Miss Beazley "Geebee", or to give it the full-bore dynastic patrician cred, "GeeDubyaBee".

Actually, Obama is not the first president to name a pet after himself. John Tyler called his obscenity-spewing parrot "Johnny Ty". Such extreme identification with one's pet must be a characteristic of presidents who profess to being Democrats and then suddenly reveal their true party affiliation once in office.

 The least sentimental of the White House pet owners probably was Lyndon Johnson, who posed for a photograph holding his two beagles, "Him" and "Her" by their ears.

 And who would have guessed that dour-looking George Washington had a sense of humor about his pets -- his four hunting coonhounds were named Tipler, Drunkard, Tipsy and Taster.

A few presidents would be prime candidates for the animal hoarding shows so popular these days. Theodore Roosevelt of course was a life-long and obsessive collector of animals, both dead and alive, with favorites being dogs, cats, pigs and ponies. And taciturn Calvin Coolidge seems to have been one of those humans who more closely identified with animals than people. Besides scores of dogs, he owned a donkey, two lion cubs, an antelope, a pygmy hippo, a couple of raccoons, a black bear and a bobcat. 

But I digress from whatever theme I originally started out with. Actually, I don't think I even had a theme. Forgive me, people. It's Monday. Happy belated Easter and Passover to all!

My Re-election Pledge: To Always Roll Over for Corporate Interests (graphic by Kat Garcia)