Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Four Stages of Neocon Arousal

A Neocon with the apt name of Major Gen. Spider Marks went on CNN Wednesday to give Wolf Blitzer and his sidekick Tom Foreman a stimulating tutorial on the Four Stages of Attacking Syria. Marks's presentation did not, of course, in any way crib from Masters and Johnson's Four Stages Of Human Sexual Response. But it definitely seemed to arouse Wolf Blitzer, judging from the feverish glitter in his bespectacled eyes and the rosy flush erupting behind his fuzzy white beard, as the scenario for wanking Syria was laid out before him, in the form of a colorful map. All shiny and decked out in bright colors. Lying helpless on the floor, in a darkened studio.

CNN did not disclose that Gen. Spider Marks (not to be confused with Col. Tick Bites) is a paid shill who made millions as a private contractor during the Iraq occupation. He's been exposed before, most notably by the New York Times in its Pulitzer-winning blockbuster, as one of a whole army of Pentagon-controlled apparatchiks paid to go on TV and pimp out war. And like the comic book hero by the same name, he just keeps coming back.

And this time, not to be outdone by Miley Cyrus, Spider gave the audience its money's worth. Although he lacked a phallic finger with which to display an estimated 50 Syrian sweet spots on the map, he made do with twerking it, military-style,with his foot.

The Four Phases of Neocon Arousal, as outlined by Spider Man:

1) "Getting in position". Battleships manned, artillery aimed. The grooming phase is complete, so let's move on, Wolf.

2) "Staging": a.k.a. the Plateau Phase. Excitement, though mounting, was being kept under strict control as President Obama finished up his speech at the Lincoln Memorial. But the ships are getting ever closer to the tempting Syrian beaches. Planes are circling just outside the restricted area. The tension is palpable. The Tomahawks are pulsating. The NSA Peeping Toms are ogling. Tom Foreman is breathing hard. The corporate media tom-toms are throbbing.

3). "Execution Phase". Crescendo. Fire Away. Shock and Awe.  The Military-Industrial Complex orgasms from every direction. Defense stocks surge. Mission Accomplished. America Got Testosterone!

4) The "Stability Phase." Syria, whipped into a quivering 50 Shades of Gray stupor, smokes a cigarette. The Americans sneak out without so much as the promise of a phone call.

But never fear, Spider reassures us. There are probably plenty more surgical strikes where that one came from. After all, this is only the first time. As the usual craven, unidentified White House flack tells it, the whole purpose of wanking Syria is to appear just "muscular" enough to avoid getting mocked.

So there you have it. The show must, and will, go on. Fear of political embarrassment dictates it.


Will said...

I just had a flashback to my days as a 7th grader with a bunch of us smoking cigarettes behind somebody's garage while reading letters to Penthouse Forum. Good times! ;)

James F Traynor said...

Damn. You just can't trust these people with fireworks, never mind firearms.

Zee said...

Ah, yes.

Phase Four: “Stability.”

Not, of course, for the Syrians, where the civil war will rage on unabated according to “Spider” Marks, but, supposedly, for the surrounding region.

How's that working out for us in Afghanistan, where Pakistan continues to be a hotbed of al-Qaida and Taliban activity?

How's that working out for us in Iraq, which daily falls more under the influence of Iran?

How's that working out for us in Libya, where al-Qaida most definitely has a presence and will certainly work more mischief in the surrounding region in the future?

I had lunch with two friends and former colleagues today, one a retired Air Force colonel, and the other an experienced “analyst.”

Our conclusion: No one can predict with any certainty what will happen if we decide to start bombing Syria, but it will likely be very bad—for both the Syrians and the region.

Stability? Fuhgedaboudit!

If we target airfields and other “strategic” assets, the Assad regime will quickly rebuild and still be able to deploy its chemical weapons.

If we target the weapons themselves—assuming that we know where they are and that we could actually “reach” them—well, unless the chemicals are incinerated, this spells further disaster for the Syrian people as the agents are released into the atmosphere.

If Syria and Iran hold true to their word and decide to strike Israel by way of “retaliation” against us, does anyone doubt that Israel will respond with anything but full force, sending the entire Middle East up in flames?

Too many “known unknowns!”

Intervention in Syria is absolutely the worst possible thing that we could do.

Tara said...

this is such a clusterfuck. I get it, children are dead, chemical weapons have been used. Retaliation is an urgent call. But wait. Do we have a real plan? Are the UN weapons inspectors even done with their inspection? No, not for 2 days at least. I grieve for those lost and the survivors who have witnessed such horror. But their memories deserve a more considered approach, something that will actually hurt the intended targets and no one else. Yet, that is an impossibility. See? Clusterfuck.

The Black Swan said...

Why is no one questioning the validity of the claims that the Assad regime used chemical weapons!? I have seen no one showing a single piece of evidence as to who used chemical weapons, what type of weapons were used, etc. This whole thing stinks. There are 0 reasons why Assad would use chemical weapons. He is winning the war! But there is a huge reason why the rebels, who we already know are funded by the CIA, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia, to use chemical weapons and blame it on Assad. They are losing the war. They need help. This is the only way to get help. How anyone can believe a damn thing the US government says is beyond me. After Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, 9/11, the NSA scandal, the CIA admitting to overthrowing Mossadegh in Iran, the financial crisis, the debt ceiling, JFK, MLK, Vietnam, Pinochet, etc. the US has zero credibility.

And for just plain rank hypocrisy, didn't we once have a Civil War? Wasn't it the single deadliest conflict in US history? Didn't some fella named Sherman burn the South to the ground? Aren't all of these things either the same or worse than the 'civil war' going on in Syria? A war started by foreign mercenaries!

This whole thing has gotten to me so much I don't even know if I'm coherent anymore! But our government is straight up lying to us once again, so that they can go kill a bunch of poor people in the Middle East in order to protect the financial interests of multinational corporations.

Assad shouldn't be the one getting vilified. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Kerry, Clinton, Obama, Powell, Rice, Gates, etc. These people are all guilty of war crimes.

My sympathy to the poor people of Syria.

And my compassion to these warmongers in DC. For in order to harm another, you must first harm yourself. I can barely imagine the harm one has to do to their own being in order to so blithely spread mayhem, death, and destruction across the globe. Such suffering.

The apparatus of our enslavement is the tool of our liberation.

May all beings be happy.

Zee said...

@The Black Swan--

You're not the only one who is wondering if it was really the Assad regime who carried out the chemical attack:

As you say, the "rebels" are losing, and this is one really nasty way to get the world's sympathy and attention.

Jay - Ottawa said...

Mr. Tenderheart, that cardboard smiley of the New York Times Nicholas D. Kristof, opines that the US should plunge into Syria without delay. Not so much because it’s in our national interest realpolitikwise, but to discourage evil and advance goodness.

If you dig parsing texts for all manner of unfactuals and logic flaws, you’ll have a field day with today's Kristof.

For a fraction of the cost of another invasion in yet another country the US could greatly improve conditions in those vast refugee camps, which threaten to destabilize Jordan, Iraq and Turkey, while simultaneously improving its own image abroad.

About a hundred members of congress have already come out against the war solution. On the chance that your straw can break the back of this war camel, demand your reps tamp down the war fever.

annenigma said...

I am outraged and sick at heart.

I know Obama is lying through his teeth. Anyone watching him on PBS Newshour, seeing him forcing a look of fake innocence by elevating his eyebrows can tell he's lying. Trying to look innocent doesn't work on a liar's face - it's too incongruent. He knows perfectly well Assad is not the one ordering the use of chemical weapons - yet.

I suspect that large chemical stockpile is being saved for a real enemy, one that could destroy his government and country, not for innocent women and children. If that enemy relies on air power instead of boots on the ground, the chemicals will make their way to where the boots or shoes are. It wouldn't be hard to get them in either. Our southern border is wide open, despite claims to the contrary. Those of us who live near it know.

Obama said on PBS 'we might just be preventing future chemical weapons being used on us'. Who does he think he's kidding? It's provoking, not preventing, chemical and other types of warfare. Obama took his 'shot across the bow' by making the direct threat of war. He's trying to have it both ways as usual by saying he hasn't yet decided, but that's like brandishing a gun. The display is what counts, not the words.

He says Syria has the world's largest stockpile of chemical weapons. Well, who/what does he think they're for? They're a deterrent, just as the USG stockpiles nuclear warheads as a deterrent, and for use against direct threats, God forbid. But the damage is already done. Obama has made the direct threat to Syria and backed it up by positioning the military for action 'right now' as Chuck Hagel admitted.

Frankly, there does seem to be an actual danger to our country and threat to our safety, and I'm not talking about Bashar Al-Assad. It's someone full of delusions of grandeur.

There's a lot to be said about Presidents cheating on their wives with interns. They don't have to throw a war to get it up. Someone should send some a ton of Viagra to Washington, or an intern.

The Black Swan said...


Zee said...

@The Black Swan--

Thanks for the new links. I think that it's becoming increasingly clear that the Syrian "rebels" are setting the U.S. up for a BIG fall.


Thanks for reminding me how close I live to the southern border, too, and how very porous it is.

Well, some of us, at least, have been clamoring for greater border security for quite some time now, though to no avail.

We'll see if that turns around and bites us in the ass someday.

Pearl said...

Annenigma: You bring up an important point I didn't even think of. Another 9/11 with poison gas could very well be likely if we interfere in Syria to say nothing of similar attacks to surrounding countries. Obama is truly playing with fire and the fact that Congresspeople on both sides are demanding their votes be included in any invasion plans is hopeful. An article in Common Dreams about Obama excusing all the previous warmongers from any kind of punishment to save his own skin speaks volumes. I too feel
like ignoring the news but am just reading enough to gather what is
happening and wondering what the Canadian leaders have to say about Obama's plans.

I find Milie Cyrus a welcome laughable distraction which shows just how low I have sunk. And am amazed that a highly critical anti Obama comment I made to the excellent editorial board's most recent concerns about Obama's
plans for Syria has attracted a respectable number of recommendations. I usually get around 2 votes for daring to criticize our president. Keep up the excellent responses which help keep me going. And Karen, I will wait until I fortify myself with lunch and some aspirins before tackling
your latest masterpiece.
How you have the energy to do it all including your spot on comments to the NYTimes articles is amazing. I hope you are getting enough rest in between battles.

I just finished watching a press conference at the White House with good questions being asked and the summation is whether or not President Obama will not want to delay going ahead with a Syrian attack lest they prepare themselves for it or wait until there is confirmation of Great Britain being on Board or an approval by Congress and a Summit delaying plans for a week or so. Basically everyone is now on alert for what is decided by President Obama and whether his aggressive war instincts will take precedence over
caution. Stay tuned.

P said...

Everyone assumes Obama made a mistake with his "red line" comment. Is it conspiracy theorist of me to wonder if this was an intentional "mistake" designed to provide a pretext for a pre-ordained war?

P.S. Thanks for your wonderful writing, Karen.

annenigma said...


Yes, it does look like a setup. It also reeks of CIA involvement. They have become Obama's personal secretive paramilitary force. They are a good fit for him since both want to operate in total secrecy.

If you are right, Obama will take us to war come Hell or high water, no matter what the objections from Congress or the public. He will simply use pressure, charm, or those valuable NSA files to get others on board.

There is no way that Secret Satan can resist the lure of this War. or 'humanitarian' military strike as he prefers to calls it. Obama truly is a legend in his own mind.

People get ready
There's a train a comin'
You don't need no baggage you just get on board
All you need is faith
To hear the diesel comin'
Don't need no ticket you just thank the Lord

People get ready
Train to Jordan
Picking up passengers from coast to coast
Faith is key
Open the doors and board them
There's hope for all among the love the most

There ain't no room for the hopeless sinner
Who would hurt all mankind just to save his own soul
Have pity on those whose choices grow thinner
There ain't no hiding place from the Kingdom's throne

People get ready
There's a train a comin'
You don't need no baggage you just get on board
All you need is faith
To hear the diesel comin'
Don't need no ticket you just thank the Lord

There's a train there's a train there's a train comin' people
There's a train there's a train there's a train comin' people
There's a train there's a train there's a train comin' people
Just get on board

There ain't no room for the hopeless sinner
Who would hurt all mankind just to save his own soul
Have pity on those whose choices grow thinner
There ain't no hiding place from the Kingdom's throne

written by: Curtis Mayfield

Pearl said...

Annenigma: Thanks for the credit for speaking of a set up by Obama that you
mentioned, but P is not me this time but someone else telling the truth as
I have been reading numerous excellent articles that are flooding the progressive sites, recalling the history of how Syria developed into
the current nightmare which leads me to believe as you all probably realize
that the threat to Syria is now a deliberate threat to all the unallied
countries and especially Russia for sheltering Snowden among other things. Reminds me of the reasons Bush invaded Iraq for personal revenge as one. These
small men have big egos that cannot take opposition and will use the vast
power at their disposal to settle differences that expose their activities.

Hope all these articles reach some of the mainstream press which are
beginning to report progressive information coming in.

Great poem (song?) and sounds like a political folk song from the past. We
should resurrect all those great political songs from the Depression days as nothing has changed it seems.

Zee said...

@Pearl and @All--

It is not just Progressives who are clamoring to stay the hell out of Syria. There is plenty of opposition amongst Thinking Conservatives, as well.

Here is just one example:

Ralph Peters, retired U.S. Army Lt. Colonel, is something of a jingoist, but over the years that I have been following him, he seems not to be a fool.

It doesn't come through in this particular interview, but in another interview that I saw, Peters also pleaded with other Conservatives not to pummel Obama for his “weakness” should he decide to back away from his misguided plan to strike Syria.

It was Peters' view that Obama shouldn't be “punished” by the Right merely for finally deciding to do the "right thing."

A remarkably honorable point of view, I thought.